Ok, this is a bit of a difficult subject to broach but I’ll try to be tactful with this one….

The is about the nagging thought in the back of your head sometimes about certain couples where you wonder if they actually know each other that well. Those, ahem, brides who seem to be complete strangers to their intended. Now I’m not saying for a moment that these aren’t genuine unions of two people very much in love, but there is sometimes the feeling that there may be more to the conjugation than just companionship.

Often the first signs of this are when the initial wedding meeting is held with only one of the wedding couple – this sometimes happens when the other partner is:

a)    Too busy to attend

b)    Overseas

c)    Doesn’t speak any English

d)    Overseas, too busy to attend and doesn’t speak any English

That’s ok, that happens, but it’s when we get to the wedding itself that things manifest themselves which may give an indication of what may happen in the future. I’ve had at least one instance of a bride holed up in her expensive hotel room with her posse of bridesmaid’s chattering away in Russian with a completely confused looking mother looking out the window wondering where on earth she is and whether Premier Inn is another name for the local Register Office.

The bridesmaids, hilariously inappropriately dressed in pink microdresses shashay down the aisle in front of the bride to be, shamelessly trying to upstage her and winking at the boys in the seats. Once the bride has the chance to have her big moment, she’s walked down the aisle by her ‘friend’ (dad couldn’t afford the airfare) and meet at the alter by her groom. A man who, invariably works in IT, and who it seems she knows not much else about.

During the service the groom tries to catch the eye of his bride, who is ignoring it and just enjoying her big day whilst the bridesmaids giggle exchanging glances with the ushers. The ceremony is normally doubly long as each passage has to be translated into the other language by the translator who has turned up in track suit bottoms and an adidas t-shirt (well it IS Saturday after all)

On proclamation of marriage, he gets a cursory peck on the cheek and she turns to her girls and shrieks! it seems that her real joy is shared with them, rather than him. She runs off down the aisle and into the side room where the real action is, the signing of the register. Legality! Now she has that, there’s no stopping her…

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